I have the spirit of a nomad, and the heart of...I am not sure how to end that sentence. I don't want to change everything always, forever. If I do that, one day I will wake up, and be old and want to slap myself. However, there are things I want, and in almost every single capacity, I hear someone say "the grass isn't greener you know". I know. So, that makes me stand still. You cannot replace one problem with another, one heartache with another, one escape for another. So, how do we know when we aren't doing that? When is it legit? I like to follow the notion "Follow your bliss"-Joseph Campbell. However, knowing Joseph Campbell's philosophies, he also didn't mean run from your problems, or ignore your responsibilities (including to yourself). I am 32. I am not young, I am not old. I wanted everything figured out about 10 years ago. So, in that sense I feel old and am back to the old time game. Sorry I will always be that way.
Before I turn 40 replaced Before I turn 30. Maybe those things keep us going. I had a checklist before I was 30, and guess what? I did most of those things. I don't think all were a success, but some were, and hopefully I have a learned a thing or two. My question now is, if I continue to change or evolve, when will some of it slow down? I honestly don't want to be searching for what my heart wants, forever, and I know for damn sure I don't want to be alone. I also, don't want to jump around the country my whole life. However, here are a few things I would love to do before I am 40, in no particular order. Don't judge.
1. Live in California
2. visit New York City and Montreal and overseas (heck, travel more)
3. Have a baby (ok I know I have a daughter, but I would like one more child and I am NOT having kids after 40)
4. Rock out at a festival, preferably outdoors
5. Record an album
6. Be in a band
7. Be happy, be loved, and love
If any of those things made you want to roll your eyes, sorry, dreams don't stop at 30 and sometimes you can be uncertain in your 30's, where you stand. I know many of these depend on how I play my cards, and I have become flexible (on certain things) with age. I have other things I want to do, but these just came to mind. All I know is that I don't want to be like some people I know who can't figure out what the hell will make them happy and end up living a life of confusion and searching and then looking back with regret and want for the past they could have had. I really would actually like to figure some stuff out. So much has the potential to change, and so much to stay the same. I fear being taken advantage of or for granted by people, and I also don't want to yearn for things I want just because I don't have them. I don't want to be the girl I was in my early 20's running from people who didn't know how to connect to another person. We all have to find a balance between our individualism in society and our collectivism, right?
In life the things that out trump all others are:
Love
Happiness
Prosperity
Freedom
Connections
According to "The Ryff Scale" in Positive Psychology, here are the 6 core dimensions to well-being
- self-acceptance
- the establishment of quality ties to others
- a sense of autonomy in thought and action
- the ability to manage complex environments to suit personal needs and values
- the pursuit of meaningful goals and a sense of purpose in life
- continued growth and development as a person
- http://www.liberalarts.wabash.edu/ryff-scales/
On love, that is the thing. I have love and love is everywhere, but I don't want to take it for granted, nor do I want the love I give to be taken for granted.
On happiness, I want to figure out how to balance my individual self, not be controlled by others, but connect with someone, take care of my family, and feel taken care of, as well as be able to dream, but also achieve, and share that, without poison, or ugliness, or constant struggle...
The grass isn't always greener, but we can try to tweak things so we can slowly find greener pastures within ourselves, right?
