Most men and women that I know are feminists. I worked with some young men years ago that didn't quite understand what the word meant, and almost shuddered at the thought of being considered one. To them, it meant something ultra feminine, and something about women who were workhorses and controlled men (at least that is the impression I got). Yes, I am often aggressive on my points of view, but that definition certainly didn't define me. I tried explaining to them that all it meant was that you believe in the social and economic equality movement for women. I think because I was pregnant and working, and young, and free (well I was married, so I don't mean preggers out of wedlock people), and I was different than their mothers, that I was actually some strange being. However, in all reality, I didn't want to work once my child was born, and wanted a kind of traditional valued household (not in some 1950's uppers and downers way) while my child was young. This was not possible (unfortunately) at the time, so like a person should do, I carried on with life as usual. This is the difference. There is a choice involved. I knew many people in many roles, and it never mattered their gender. It is honestly what works for you, and your family, or your life, and you shouldn't make people feel bad for how they want things. My friend Cory asked me recently if I would ever have a "house husband", and I was like "no", but I don't judge those who do. I am just on the opposite side of the spectrum, and that's fine. To each his own, right?
To some, there is this expectation to play the role of a feminist on how they interpret the role. As a strong outspoken and independent woman, people often misunderstand my values. I often have a few black and white values and then some grey area. I have learned that if I dabble too far into the grey area, I become disillusioned and disappointed with myself and others. I am redifining myself, as I am at a crossroads in my life. I am keeping the world open to me, because I have a choice, right? I knew some great women who were leaders at work and mothers as well. I also knew some women who stayed home with their children, and these women were also feminists, and educated (I envied them the most). I was raised traditionally, but by intellectual and educated parents, and formed my values based on them, with a little mixture of my own. This is where my independence and dependency comes from. For me, like many people, having a child truly defined where I stood as a feminist. I also have a daughter, did I mention this? I was unhappy working a full time job while she was a baby, but felt guilty telling this to my friends who loved working while they had small children, and felt envious of my friends who did not. It isn't even about dependency in a sick sort of helpless word, because this woman is definitely not helpless. It was more about what is important to me. I know I can only compromise so much, without feeling regret, resentment, etc. So, in that regard, I know I will have a child again at some point, and it would have to be with a partner who was willing to share my values, and actually know how to carry through with them. I have learned to not feel bad about this. This falls into the role of men and responsibility, but that is a whole other blog topic, trust me, I have a thing or two to say on that subject. So, yes, when it comes to life I am quite free spirited and when it comes to family and children, I am much more traditional, except for the fact that I would take my kids on tour with me if I ever was given the opportunity to be a rawk star (welcome to my new blog). We are all unique and define our own family values.
To be honest, the world is full of different people. Be who you are, and don't let a term define you. Also, do not feel guilty for your beliefs or wants, especially if they are within reason. Life is too short for this. Just learn to surround yourself with people you can learn from and whom you can also share. You define yourself as a feminist woman, or man, and if you are reading this blog, I am probably friends with you, and therefore you probably are in the feminist category in some aspect. Take care of your life, and don't compromise yourself, even if you make compromises in your life. You can take care of others, but others should also take care of you. The world would function so much more pleasantly if we thought of our community this way.
To wrap it all up, most Americans, besides someone who absolutely thinks women (and men even) shouldn't have a choice in which road they take, are probably feminists. Yes, and that means YOU! And as a reminder (and I know I am motherly on this advice), men, take your women out and open doors for them and all that jazz, and women, don't take this for granted, and you also have to give. In this day in age don't be a "taker" whether your are a man or a woman.
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